About love in all it's glory · For the mind and soul · Thoughts and more

Grief – a few thoughts about it

I know that I am not a mother, or even wife, barely a girlfriend, but I got that call… That horrible, heart shattering call that puts your life in a complete spin and nothing makes sense anymore…

It doesn’t matter if it’s in the middle of the night or the middle of the day, it doesn’t even matter if the bearer of the horrible news tries to make the blow softer or they just throw the information at you. The effect is the same… pure and raw despair!

And the worst feeling in the world is the horrible premonition when the conversation starts… “I have to tell you something…” and you know, you just know and your knees go weak and your heart sinks and you can’t think anymore…

Don’t let anyone tell you grief is not necessary or that person you lost wouldn’t want you to feel like this…

You have the right to feel everything that you are feeling and you have the right to fall to pieces… How else will you discover the glue to put you back together? No one can “fix it”, no one can “take it away” and trust me it never goes away, no matter how much you try.

It’s been 3 years since that moment and I will find myself walking down the street and thinking how much I want her to see me now, to look at me with that look of pure adoration and tell me I am the best and the brightest and the one that deserves to have the castle.

But she will never tell me all that again and I will forever wonder what I could have done better, how I would have said goodbye, how I would have……

It never goes away, the grief is a part of my life that reminds me never to take anything and anyone for granted, but I have a good support system and if I ever find the courage to talk about it, I know someone will listen and be there for me….

But for now I will keep my eyes shut and nothing will be able to hurt me….

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